I'm going "home" ... really "home" next weekend. My high school class is having it's 40 year reunion.... I love all my "old" friends. When I am with my "clique" as Paul calls them....I feel like I'm brought back down to the reality of where I came from. They all knew and loved my Mother. They are my "heart" family.
This will be my first trip back home since Mother died on November 3rd. Bittersweet memories will consume me. I dread the emptiness of home and the sadness that has overcome Daddy. I dread going to the cemetery and seeing the memorial that bears her name. June and I will go to the library to see the books that have been donated in her memory. I could go on and on, but June said it all best.................
So far, day 3 of this Mother’s Day week…….I can’t shake this empty feeling and just miss mama so much. “They” say the first one is the hardest. Yes, it’s not easy at all……….I stay teary eyed and with a knot in my throat most all day.
We should have been on the phone already deciding whether we were all gonna go in together to buy mama one big gift or if we are going to do individual gifts for her Sunday……..Yesterday while I was shopping for myself, I was overwhelmed with the emptiness and sadness of not buying mother a gift.
Everywhere I looked I could see something she would like. She was so easy to buy for cause she loved just about anything. And always made a big deal out of it…..
Her funny expressions, her silly jokes, the happy look on her face when we’d walk in the back door. Always wanting to go riding around or to the dollar store to just piddle around. There’s just so many things I miss about her, I can’t even begin to put them all down.
Just being at the house when we go in…..so strange and so empty with her not there.
Anyway, this Mother’s Day……we’ll go visit her at New Haven, put fresh artificial flowers on her grave. Sit and talk to a granite head stone, rub my hand across her name and when I leave bend down and kiss it goodbye…….
And so, life goes on without mama on this earth…… but one thing for sure she sure left her mark on our heart.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom……………
1 comment:
she did say it all best, I loved her email this morning but it made me very sad too.
We sure do miss our Grannie!!!
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